How to drive your taichou up the wall in five easy
by Aleia15
Summary: What to do when you have the most strict and sour faced Taichou of the Gotei 13? Try to make him loosen up a bit... which might work if the Taichou in question wasn't a midget with a complex and no sense of humour. Hints of HitsugayaMatsumoto


**How to drive your Taichou up the wall in five easy steps**

Of the whole divisions of the Gotei 13, Division 10th had always had a reputation of being the best one to be assigned to. Not in terms of actual work or status. Shinigami wanted to be assigned to the 10th Division because it was the most relaxed and fun one. The rumours in Seiretei said that the head of the division, Kurosaki-taichou, wasn't really a serious person. He was rumoured to be a fun loving, sake drinking, butt pinching, big oaf of a Taichou.

So when Matsumoto Rangiku applied for the position as his second in command she was expecting a free ride as fukutaichou of the 10th division. 

What she wasn't expecting was that by the time she got the position Kurosaki-taichou had disappeared, and he had been replaced by a scowling midget with a big complex and no sense of humour.

**1. Don't keep anything from him.**

"MATSUMOTO!" Hitsugaya's voice drove into her consciousness, waking her up with the force of a blow. She looked blearily around, wondering why her room looked so much like her Taichou's office, and then groaned. She hadn't, had she?

"Hitsugaya-taichou," she rasped, completely at a loss of what to say. She had fallen asleep on her Taichou's couch the second day after her transfer. That was going to give a bad impression for sure. She sat up on the couch, still feeling groggy and disoriented.

It took her a few seconds to realize her Taichou wasn't shouting anymore, or even looking at her. Blinking, she looked at his face. He was pointedly looking at his feet, but she could still see a faint blush on his face. What was wrong with him?

"Hitsugaya-taichou..." she began, uncertain, only to be stopped cold by a glare.

"Matsumoto," he said his voice as cold as his glare. "The office's couch is not the place to sleep. If you need to rest, you should go to your rooms."

He turned and moved to the door, and she stared after him wondering what was wrong with him. Yes, she knew that falling asleep in the office was not a good idea, but she didn't do it on purpose. It wasn't something to get that angry about. She got up and stretched. Her back was stiff from sleeping in the couch and she had a crick in her neck. "Well," she said to the empty room. "That sure caused a good impression."

She looked down then and blushed bright red.

Her uniform was gaping open. The knot holding it closed must have come undone while she was sleeping, and her ample bosom was exposed for everyone to see.

Like her Taichou.

Fumbling with the cloth, she managed to close it with a bit of effort. "Damm, and I'm sure that caused an even better one," she mumbled under her breath.

Wondering why she didn't decide to stay in the 8th Division, Matsumoto went to her rooms to take a shower and change. It was going to be a long day.

**2. Get on his good side, bring him breakfast.**

Things had been a bit awkward since the incident with the robe and the boobs, as Matsumoto usually called it.

For the next couple of days Hitsugaya-taichou refused to meet her eyes, and every time he had to give her an order his voice was always freezing cold, the same as his manners. She guessed that was his way of dealing with embarrassment, not that he was really angry with her. But still she needed to make amends, or things would be definitely uncomfortable for her in her new position. She was supposed to get along well with her Taichou; they were going to need to work closely together.

She remembered that when she was in the 8th Division, Shunsui-taichou would always bring tea and breakfast for Nanao when she was angry with him. It was not the same, of course, since most of the time Nanao was right in being angry with Shunsui-taichou. But still, it was worth a shot.

Only she didn't know what he liked for breakfast. So far she had never seen him eating anything. When Matsumoto arrived to get her instructions he always looked as if he had been working for several hours. Not the moment to offer breakfast to anyone.

Sake was out of the question, Hitsugaya was still a child by Soul Society standards, even if he was close to his fifth decade. And besides, apart from Shunsui she didn't know of anyone who actually drank sake in the morning.

Milk, she couldn't go wrong with that.

The first time she entered his office with the breakfast tray he wasn't there. Sighing, she remembered there was a Taichou's meeting scheduled for that morning. Well, it was better to just leave it there so he could have it when he returned.

So she deposited the tray with the glass of milk and some cookies on his desk and carried on cheerfully with her duties.

When he returned from his meeting, Matsumoto wondered what had been said to cause him to curse like that. It was not an appropriate vocabulary for a child.

The next day she woke up a bit earlier and prepared the tray to take to her taichou straight away. 

"Hitsugaya-taichou," she called entering the office.

He looked up from his paperwork, and when he spotted the tray on her hand his glare would have frozen even Yamamoto-soutaichou's zanpakutou.

"Matsumoto," he said his voice low and annoyed, "what is the meaning of this?"

Matsumoto smiled, he must have felt embarrassed to have his second in command fussing over him. "Oh, it's nothing, Taichou; I just thought you might want some breakfast."

And she deposited the tray and left, humming contentedly to herself. She was on the right track.

She heard a distant crash when she was leaving the Taisha, but since it probably had nothing to do with her she paid no attention to it.

The third time she added a special touch to the breakfast. It was not good to spoil the kids, but everyone knew they had a sweet tooth, so a bit of candy was not amiss.

"Matsumoto," he said when she entered with the tray, "is there something you want to tell me?"

"What do you mean, Taichou?" she asked, puzzled.

She didn't know what was wrong, it was all well and good to be a bit embarrassed by the attention, but Hitsugaya looked more than that, he looked furious.

"This," he gestured to the tray, "breakfast thing. Do you think I'm a child, Matsumoto?"

She gaped for a minute, and then her surprise turned into anger. Why was he being such a brat when she was trying to be nice?

"No, Taichou, but I'm sure you need to eat, like the rest of us," she replied, a bit more snottily than she would have liked. "I was just trying to be nice."

"Nice?" he said, every bit as angry as she was, "this is a child's breakfast, Matsumoto. Milk, cookies and--is that candy?" he glared at her. 

She drew up to all her height, staring down at him. He was really short. "Yes, it's candy, Taichou. And kids are supposed to lik--" too late she realized her mistake, and shut her mouth. 

Oops! She had heard that Hitsugaya-taichou was really sensitive about his age and height; in hindsight, she realized maybe it hadn't been the best of moves. Shivering at the sudden drop in temperature, Matsumoto retreated and left the office, taking the tray with her.

She spent the rest of the day avoiding him, feeling a bit stupid for making such a mistake and knowing things would be even more awkward now.

However, Matsumoto was not a coward, the next morning she made sure to prepare a different breakfast for her taichou to make up for her mistake.

When she went to report in the afternoon the tea tray was empty, and the office temperature was above cero.

**3. Impress him with your skills.**

Things had been more relaxed in the past weeks, though they were no where near ideal. Matsumoto had the impression her Taichou didn't have a great concept of her.

It wasn't her fault they had started things with the wrong foot, and she was working real hard to improve things, but it wasn't easy when he insisted on working overtime and taking care of absolutely everything on his own.

Yes, she knew he only did it because he was trying to prove he was worthy of his position, even at his young age; but he needed to learn to delegate. Besides, if he kept like that he was going to die of exhaustion soon.

He was in a meeting again when she entered the room, his desk literally buried under hundreds of papers. 

"Where to start?" she muttered to herself, eyeing the piles of reports.

Grabbing the one at random, she went to her own desk and started looking over them. Applications from the Academy. Boring.

How could he stand doing so much paperwork? If that was what being Taichou meant, she was glad not to be in charge.

"Too unskilled," she said, reading the first profile. The shinigami in question had been three years already in training and was still unable to attain Shikai. There was no way Hitsugaya was letting someone like that in his Division.

"Too rash," the next one had been injured at least five times in as many months of training. He appeared to have a good grasp of kidou and was good in combat, but seemed to be too quick to pick fights with either other shinigami or hollows. Not a good candidate.

"Who is this little girl?" Another one for the pile of rejections. "And what's wrong with this one? He wants to server under Hitsugaya-taichou with that record of insubordination?"

She was shocked, moving one after another to the rejected pile. Not one of the candidates seemed to be good. "Is this what the Academy has to offer nowadays?" she wondered out loud.

"What are you talking about, Matsumoto?" she had been so focused on her work she hadn't heard her Taichou entering the room.

"Oh, nothing Taichou," she said, smiling at him. "I thought I could help you with the paperwork, so I was looking over the Academy candidates."

He looked at her, and then at the files in her hands and sighed wearily. "Matsumoto."

"Yes, Taichou?" she asked, puzzled at why he was looking at her with open disbelief.

"I finished those reports last week," he said, moving to his desk, "those are the rejected ones."

"What?" she did a double take, on top of the folder containing the profiles was a single word in red, Rejected.

She felt her face heating up.

"If you want to help, you might want to start by actually asking for something to do, instead of just lazing about all day, Matsumoto." 

Feeling more embarrassed that she had been in all her life, Matsumoto nodded. "Is there anything I can help you with, Taichou?"

A folder was dropped on top of her desk. "35th Rukongai District report," he said, "needs to be finished by tomorrow and sent to the 12th Division."

"Yes Taichou," she said meekly, opening the folder and looking at the papers inside. Boring.

Well, if her Taichou didn't think she was incompetent before, now he certainly did.

**4. Get to know him better, introduce him to your friends.**

He was glaring again.

Matsumoto sighed and ignored her taichou's bad mood, offering him another cup of green tea. Around them the noise level was raising while the rest of the shinigami gathered got drunker and drunker.

Matsumoto was getting a bit pissed as well, but was trying hard not to show it in front of Hitsugaya.

It had been her idea to take him along to socialize with the other shinigami; to be completely sincere she almost had to drag him by force to the meeting and in the end it had been only the promise that Aizen-taichou would be there as well what made him agree.

It wasn't a complete lie, either. Aizen-taichou had never said he wasn't going to, he hadn't said anything at all.

Matsumoto had thought it was a good idea to get to know Hitsugaya-taichou outside of the office, their relationship at work was improving, slowly but surely he was beginning to act less coldly toward her. Well, at least not freezing cold, anyway.

"Rangiku-san," Shuuhei said appearing next to her with another jar of sake, she smiled at him and accepted the drink he was offering. "You keep ignoring us, Rangiku-san."

"He's right, Matsumoto," Ikkaku agreed from his position in front of them, slumped on top of an almost passed out Iba. "And you're being awfully quiet tonight. Usually, you would be singing and trying to dance."

She blushed at her Taichou's raised eyebrow.

"Madarame!" she said glaring.

"Or it's just because you want to act cool in front of your new Taichou?" Shuuhei continued, slurring slightly. "Hey, Hitsugaya-kun! Do you want some sake?"

"It's Hitsugaya-taichou, Hisagi-san," Hitsugaya said coldly, and Matsumoto cringed. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to drag him along.

"Yeah, it's Hitsugaya-taichou, Hisagi-san," Ikkaku said mockingly, definitely not a good idea. "You have to show the proper respect to the kid. Do you want some sake, Hitsugaya-taichou?"

Matsumoto shivered, and realized the temperature was dropping rapidly. Not a good signal.

"Umm, maybe it's time to leave, Hitsugaya-taichou," she said, thinking a quick retreat was a good plan. She had forgotten her friends had no manners to speak of, and even less when drunk.

"No, Matsumoto-san," Yumichika said from his corner, "it's still early to go, we have a few more jars of sake and no one has taken off his clothes yet."

Some of the guys laughed at that, and then Hisagi stood up and started untying his robe. "I can strip," he said, and Matsumoto closed her eyes embarrassed. They had never done that before, and she suspected they were behaving worse than usual because her Taichou was there.

"I think it's a good idea if we leave now, Matsumoto," Hitsugaya stood up and she scrambled to her feet to follow him.

"Oh, they're going somewhere else to strip!" Kira said, his voice telling Matsumoto he was completely drunk.

Hitsugaya turned to glare at him. "Don't look like that, Littletaichou-san," Ikkaku said, and the temperature dropped again. This time Matsumoto could see some of the guys shivering as well, and Renji's head snapped up and looked at them, apparently sensing the danger. 

"Ikkaku--" Renji warned.

"You are lucky to have Matsumoto-san working under you, Hitsugaya-taichou," and he laughed.

Matsumoto blushed, and some of the guys laughed. Hitsugaya was not laughing, though; he didn't look even remotely amused by the situation.

"Matsumoto, I am leaving, you can stay if you want," he said, and she nodded thinking that she was going to stay and give the guys a piece of her mind for embarrassing her and her Taichou.

"Yeah Rangiku-san, stay here with the men," Shuuhei said, trying to whisper it on her ear but too drunk to realize everyone could hear him. "He's fifty years to young for you. Is it just me or it's freezing in here?"

**5. Show him your dedication.**

Matsumoto was feeling terrible when she woke up, but she dragged herself out of the bed and into the shower anyway.

Last night's party had been a bad idea, definitely her Taichou was not suited to mingle with the rowdy shinigami she liked to hang around, and now she had not only the usual hangover after those nights, but also a cold thanks it.

She sighed, wondering if it was time to ask to be sent back to the 8th Division. She really didn't want to, but she suspected Hitsugaya-taichou wasn't entirely happy with her.

Coughing and sniffling, she got dressed and went to the Taisha. It was empty. Where was everyone?

She looked around, Hitsugaya-taichou was nowhere to be found and the rest of the seated official were also absent.

"Well," she muttered to herself, "I'll start my work."

But she needed a tea first; her head was pounding with the hangover, she felt cold and her throat was sore. Definitely a cold.

She started on her paperwork after having the first mug, a second one steaming close to her. Paperwork, she hated it with a passion, but Hitsugaya-taichou was very strict about it and she didn't want to have more problems with him.

"Report of a raid in the 76th Rukongai District," she read out loud, the symbols dancing in front of her eyes. "Attack of two hollows in… whoa, what is this?" she rubbed her eyes and tried again. 

"Matsumoto!"

She opened her eyes startled. What? Raising her head from where it was resting on the desk, she looked around. Hitsugaya-taichou was looking at her from the door, and she realized she must have fallen asleep again at work. Dammit!

"Hitsugaya-taichou?" she blinked trying to clear her vision.

"What are you doing here, Matsumoto?" he asked, not unkindly.

"Working, Taichou," she said, puzzled. It was obvious, wasn't it?

"Matsumoto, today was your day off, don't you remember?" he took a step toward her, an expression on his face she couldn't read. It took her a few seconds to realize it was concern. "Are you feeling well, Matsumoto?"

No, she wasn't feeling well. She was feeling stupid, hungover and sick. "Perfect, Taichou," she said, her voice barely a whisper.

In a flash he was by her side, his cool hand on her forehead. "Tsk, you are burning up," he said, frowning. "Back to your rooms, Matsumoto, and I don't want to see you here until you are better."

"But Taichou," she protested.

"Nothing, go back to bed or I'll take you myself."

Knowing he was serious and not wanting to go through the embarrassment it would be being carried to bed by her taichou, Matsumoto stood up; only to fall on the chair again, the room moving around her.

"Ummm, I think I need a minut--"

She couldn't finish, Hitsugaya's hands were already on her, helping her up and holding her. It wasn't an easy feat, him being so short and small, but Hitsugaya half dragged half carried her to her rooms and put her gently on her bed.

"Change your clothes and get inside the bed while I prepare some tea, Matsumoto," he said, leaving the room before she had the chance to protest. Not that she had the energy for it either, just taking her uniform off and putting a light robe was exhausting.

"I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-taichou," she said when he returned with the tea and sat beside her.

He put a gentle hand on her forehead and she felt a calming coolness spread, making her headache recede a bit. "I should be the one apologizing, Matsumoto," he said softly, "it was my losing my temper last night what has you and another three shinigami in bed today."

She had a moment to wonder about who the other three unlucky guys were. "It was our fault."

He didn't deny it, and the silence that followed stretched. Matsumoto was feeling sleepy, but she wanted to say something now that he had the chance to speak with Hitsugaya-taichou outside the office. "Taichou, maybe it would be better if I went back to my old Division, we don't get along--"

"Matsumoto," he interrupted her, "are you unhappy working for me?"

She looked at him confused, he wasn't what she expected when she applied for the position, but she couldn't say she was unhappy working for him, it was more that she had the feeling he wasn't happy with her. "No, but--"

"I'll say this then, just this time," he said his voice serious but not as cold as she was used to, "I selected you as my second over other candidates," she didn't know that, and she stared at him speechless, "I looked over all the profiles and listened to other Taichou's advice, and all of them pointed at someone else. But I chose you because you and I are opposites, though we complement each other."

She couldn't understand what he was saying; he picked her even when common sense dictated to select someone else?

"I know my strong and weak points. I don't need someone to deal with the paperwork and mother me, I need someone who knows how to deal with the rest of Division and can follow orders when necessary. I need someone who can fight with me and doesn't take to heart my bad moods, not someone to take me out at nights. If you want to go back to your old Division I'll sign your transfer, but I think we should try to work together."

She didn't know what to say.

"Taichou, I--" she yawned, her eyes closing, "think I want to stay."

Matsumoto slipped into unconsciousness with a smile on her lips, thinking that maybe her transfer to the 10th Division had been a good idea after all. 

…

Of the whole divisions of the Gotei 13, Division 10th had always had a reputation of being among the best ones to be assigned to. Not in terms of actual work or status. The 10th Division members worked as hard as the members of any other Division in Seiretei, but rumour had it that, if you were in that Division and close enough to the office, you could see and hear things no one outside the 10th had seen and heard.

"MATSUMOTO!" 

"Yes Taichou?"

"How many times do I have to tell you not to sleep in the couch?"

"Sorry Taichou."

"At least be careful with your robe!"

"Sorry Taichou, but it was you who unt--"

"MATSUMOTO!"

But then again, those were just rumours and were never confirmed or denied by any member of the Division.


End file.
